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Hortense Faith or "H" for short

[ website | I guess you should see Flatulina's website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

bomb sniffin' [07 Apr 2005|06:52pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

uuuuuuuh... so I got fired at the bomb sniffin' job. They fired me because uuuuuuuuuum... I kept tellin' everybody what they had for dinner when they would uuuuuuuuuuuh pass gas. And they didn't appreciate that. So now I guess I'll keep trying to make it as either a diamond cutter or uuuuuuuuuh... actress.... or uuuuuuuum... driver's ed teacher.

Wish me luck.

Hortense

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my new job [02 Nov 2004|08:24am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Hi-

Uuuuum... I love my new job at the K-9 unit. I can finally uuuuuuh... use my nose to help people. i sniffed out uuuuuh... 5 bombs last week.

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Moving to Molvania uuuuh I guess. [25 Apr 2004|05:42pm]
[ mood | blank ]

hey... uuuuuuh.... I guess that uuuuuum Flatulina wants me to move to Molvania... uh yeah, I think that's right, uuuum... Molvania. So I think I'll do it. She said she has room for me and uuuuuum... they would like me there. She says that uuuuuh... I should fit right in. I can't imagine that, but uuuuum... I'll give it a try.

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uh... mmmm... [04 Mar 2004|10:41am]
[ mood | bored ]

I feel bad that uhhhhh... I am still not done making the Flatulescense yet. Flatulina is waiting... and uuuuuuuum.... I just ran out of some things, and.... uuuuuuum... they haven't come in yet. It's hard to uuuuuh... make a fragrance potent enough... you know what I mean and all that.

1 comment|post comment

new discovery [30 Dec 2003|10:53pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hey all... uuuuuuuum...
as some of you may know, I am uuuuuuuuuh... in Switzerland working on uuuuuuh... formulas for Flatulina. And uuuuuum, the other day I started developing a weight loss formula, and uuuuuum.... I'm very excited about it. Here is the recipe:

1 cup beer
1 cup chocolate milk
1 cup clam juice
dash tobasco
8 Tbsp. salt

Mix this all together, and uuuuuum... let it sit out unrefrigerated for 3 days, and uuuuum, then drink it all at once. You will lose weight, I promise. I uuuuuuum didn't eat for 5 days after I drank it, and uuuuuum... it really suppressed my appetite. I lost about uuuuuh... oh, I'd say 2 pounds. I didn't weigh myself before, but uuuuuuh... I think it was about 2 pounds.

I'm working on a uuuuuh patent right now.

H.

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[10 Dec 2003|09:49am]
[ mood | artistic ]

Rachel - Your real name should be Rachel. People
with the name Rachel are usually very
opinionated, artistic, and love good music. You
are very lucky you got this name. Congrats,
you're cool.


What should your name be?
brought to you by Quizilla


this said that uuuuuuum... I was cool.

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Flatulina... [20 Nov 2003|11:58am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Hey uuuuuuuh, Flatch, I uuuuuum am having a problem with uuuuuuh, the formula for Flatulessence. I ran out of uuuuuum, ylang ylang and uuuuuuh, I can't get any over here. Call me.

H.

1 comment|post comment

I'm a car. [01 Nov 2003|07:29pm]
[ mood | worried ]



You are the 1955 Ford Fairlane Crown Victoria.
Take the Which Classic Car Are You? quiz! By JC and Bren.


I hope Flatulina is uuuuum... OK. flatulina
4 comments|post comment

my friends [30 Oct 2003|12:54am]
[ mood | blank ]

uuuuuuh... I think Tootie is uuuuuum... kind of in denial. And uuuuum... I don't know if L'Monjello likes her back.

I'm not sure what I should do about that, but uuuuuh...

it's hard to type with my lazy eye.

H.

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uuuuh. I need more friends [29 Oct 2003|12:14pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
hortensefaith goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as cyclops.
alansmitheex gives you 9 red raspberry-flavoured miniature candy bars.
flatulina tricks you! You get a button.
hortensefaith gives you 13 tan chocolate-flavoured jelly beans.
tootietull tricks you! You lose 13 pieces of candy!
hortensefaith ends up with 9 pieces of candy, and a button.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.
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I'm uuuuuuh... [22 Oct 2003|09:24am]
[ mood | curious ]

Flatch,
Uuuuuh... you better count your fish. I think that uuuuuum... Alan might have uuuuuuuh... got one of them.

H.

1 comment|post comment

uuuuh... here flatulina [13 Oct 2003|02:04pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

maybe this will uuuuuum... uh... cheer you up.

Rearranging the letters of "flatulina fontanelle boutier" gives:

An out-of-tune, infallible alert.
A fallible, out-of-tune internal.
Lout on a fattenable nullifier.
In an out-of-tune, fallible alert.
Fortunate, fallible, inane lout.
Fallible unfortunate to alien.
Ten-foot, au naturel infallible.
An out-of-tune, fallible latrine.
Fluent, faultier, notional able.
Fool au naturel infantile belt.
An out-of-tune, inalterable fill.
Alleluia! Attention! on bluffer.
Alter an out-of-tune infallible.
Infuriate flatulent, able loon.
Foul annotate true infallible.
To infantile, unalterable foul.
Fool flea-bitten, unnatural lie.
Often infallible to au naturel.
Of infantile, unalterable lout.
Flea-bitten, unrelational foul.
Infernal, beautiful loo talent.
Alienate in fluent, brutal fool.
Alleluia! not intonate bluffer.
An out-of-tune, later infallible.
In out-of-tune, inalterable fall.
Unfortunate, fallible toenail.
Influential, untreatable fool.
Fine, unnatural, elite football.
Rat out-of-tune, infallible lean.
Unfortunate infallible to ale.
Alleluia! foul better on infant.
Alleluia! benefit or not flaunt.
Foul inebriate flatulent loan.
Alleluia! of fluent Bonnie tart.
Alleluia! alert intent buffoon.
Tearful, foul, intentional able.
Flout to inalienable flaunter.
Foul belt flaunter alienation.
Foul alien on flea-bitten ultra.
On flea-bitten, unilateral foul.
Influential, fool, beaten ultra.
Nail beautiful, tolerant felon.
Out-of-tune, fallible, alien rant.
Flout fluent, abler alienation.
Fluent fat to bonnier alleluia.
Abort not fluent, fine alleluia.
Blot foul alienate in flaunter.
Influential, foul, neat bloater.
Fun not or flea-bitten alleluia.
Flail alienate burnt-out felon.
Out-of-tune, infallible, lane rat.
Alienate full, fluent abortion.
Alleluia! foul not rant benefit.
Infantile foul to unable alert.
Belittle a fine, unnatural fool.
Of fluent, unable alliteration.
Fell on beautiful alternation.
Fearful, able, intentional lout.
Fallible lie to an unfortunate.
Foul alienate flatulent Robin.
Lout influential, notable fear.
Notable flaunter if alien lout.
A fluent if an intolerable lout.
Fallible if au naturel note not.
Fallible if au naturel tone not.
Au naturel if lenient football.
Of flea-bitten turn on alleluia.
Unfloatable nullifier to neat.
Out-of-tune, inane, tall fireball.
Out-of-tune, infantile, abler all.
Fluent fat or inalienable lout.
Foul flute able international.
Influential, fool, able taunter.
A fluent able or infantile lout.
Foul lout infantile, abler neat.
Alienate if fluent, brutal loon.
To foul if an unreliable talent.
Of flatulent, nubile rationale.
Alleluia! off notable nutrient.
An unfloatable, infertile lout.
Unfortunate, fallible, neat oil.
Tearful, infantile lout on able.
Flaunt foul retaliate in noble.
An infallible, true neat to foul.
Fine, fallible, au naturel, to not.
A foul, infantile, tolerable nut.
Attain fluent, unreliable fool.
Fool au naturel flea-bitten nil.
Of au naturel infallible to net.
Of au naturel infallible to ten.
Of infantile, unable, alert lout.
Of unable, nutritional leaflet.
Alleluia! lenient buffoon tart.
Infuriate fattenable, null loo.
Foul flout in inalterable neat.
Foul urinate not fallible neat.
Foul rule flea-bitten national.
Foul not alienate fireball nut.
Elaborate not influential flu.
Flout influential, ornate able.
A foul, influential, rotten able.
Futile, able, notional flaunter.
Alleluia! infant felon to brute.
Fool in faultier, unable talent.
Alleluia! inter buffoon talent.
Out-of-tune, infallible, real ant.
Out-of-tune, brilliant, anal feel.
Infuriate foul label on talent.
Infuriate fallen notable lout.
No lout a fattenable nullifier.
Fluent, fallible urea notation.
Foul to fluent, inalienable rat.
An able, futile, intolerant foul.
Fool au naturel belittle in fan.
Of flatulent, inalienable rout.
Out-of-tune fireball in all neat.
Out-of-tune, able, internal flail.
Not lie a fallible unfortunate.
Flute brutal felon alienation.
Fuel in flatulent elaboration.
Elaborate in flatulent foul in.
Foul fluent able in alteration.
Obliterate in fluent, anal foul.
Lout neater, fallible fountain.
Alleluia! fourteen infant blot.
A foul, infantile, tolerant blue.
Baneful if not rotten alleluia.
A fluent, inalterable if on lout.
Fool till an au naturel benefit.
Often trouble infant alleluia.
Of flea-bitten ill on au naturel.
Alleluia! No! Attention! bluffer.
Rant out-of-tune, infallible ale.
Out-of-tune, infertile, banal all.
A tearful, infantile, noble lout.
Foul on faultier able in talent.
Foul intonate liable flaunter.
Foul able 'n' fluent retaliation.
Foul lout fine, inalterable ant.
Too influential, able flaunter.
Trouble alone influential fat.
Influential, unalterable foot.
Foul lout infertile, banal neat.
Foul enable to infantile ultra.
Infantile, foul, tolerable aunt.
Not foul unreliable if a talent.
Fool blunt alienate fine ultra.
Alleluia! ten-foot, fluent brain.
Of faultier union label talent.
Of foul until inalterable neat.
Alleluia! of flea-bitten nun rot.
Of fine, notable till au naturel.
Alleluia! of neater if not blunt.
Intonate off blunter alleluia.
Unfloatable, nutritional feel.
A rental, out-of-tune infallible.
Out-of-tune 'n' inalterable flail.
Noble foul in a faultier talent.
I foul fluent, able alternation.
Foul fault in intolerable neat.
Foul intonate inalterable flu.
Alone foul in flea-bitten ultra.
Influential, foul, notable rate.
Influential, foul, notable tear.
Influential foul to abler neat.
Foul beat on influential alert.
Eaten influential, brutal fool.
Foul rout infallible, neat neat.
On fine, beautiful, tolerant all.
Alleluia! fluent infant to bore.
Alleluia! notable if rotten fun.
Unnatural felon if able toilet.
In an intolerable, fateful lout.
Fifteen brutal alleluia on not.
An out-of-tune, ill, neat fireball.
Foul foul eaten brilliant neat.
Lout foul neat neat in fireball.
Foul belittle if ornate annual.
Au naturel fool in tall benefit.
Often brain to fluent alleluia.
Of flatulent, inalienable tour.
Alleluia! of fat, nutrient noble.
Of infantile bell to au naturel.
Of unnatural if alone belittle.
Alleluia! of blunter neat if not.
Future, fallible, notional neat.
Fool taunt able, neat nullifier.
To a tearful, influential noble.
Alleluia! fluent afternoon bit.
Fuel fluent, anal obliteration.
It alien foul notable flaunter.
No flea-bitten, unilateral foul.
Foul not alienate unable flirt.
Foul notable flair lieutenant.
Influential, foul, ornate table.
Ruin alienate fluent football.
Not fine, fatal, unreliable lout.
Foul trouble an infantile tale.
Infantile, foul neutral to able.
Flail beautiful, tolerant none.

3 comments|post comment

insomnia [10 Oct 2003|05:48am]
[ mood | ditzy ]

uuuum... I'm worried about L'Monjello. Flatulina posted more of the story, and uuuum... I hope they're all OK. flatulina

lime
You are Lime.
You are quirky and misunderstood. You are
definitely your own person. You don't let
anyone tell you who you should be. You never
sell out your values and beliefs, no matter
what. However, you can sometimes have trouble
fitting in, but only because you are
misunderstood.
Most Compatible With: Wintergreen


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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uuuuuh... [09 Oct 2003|05:20pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I just heard from my mom, and uuuuuuuh.... she's the one that raised me for most of my life, and uuuuuuuum... anyways, she was telling me that uuuuuum... my dad who used to go on the road with uuuuuuuum Spinal Tap... uuuuuuuum, he was uuuuuum... well, what did she say... she said uuuuuuh, that he was uuuuuh her cousin or something like that and uuuuuuum.... I'm not really sure what that means, but uuuuuuuuh, that can't be good.

H.

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Tootie? L'Monjello? [07 Oct 2003|08:12pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Tootie? Are you okay? Uuuuuum... I was just... uuuuuuuum.. wondering about you. Did Alan hurt Flatulina?

Let me know.

H

5 comments|post comment

How to keep up with the saga [03 Oct 2003|09:04am]
[ mood | awake ]

flatulina

tootietull

alansmitheex

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What is going on... [02 Oct 2003|04:41pm]
[ mood | worried ]

OK, I thought that uuuuuuum... I would tell you all the whole story. Uuuum.... You see Flatulina is on tour, her "Feel the Heat" tour in Antartica. She is down there with Tootie... uuuum... L'Monjello... and um... her bodyguard... and uuuuum... maybe some other people, I'm not really sure about that. But uuuuuh... then a few weeks ago, at one of her concerts, Flatulina thought she saw her exboyfriend Allen Smithee. And um, this really upset her because he is a creep!

So now, Allen has an online journal, and he is bothering Flatulina, and Tootie. And uuuuuum... apparently Allen really IS in Antartica and he is trying to win Flatulina back. But uuuuuuh... flatulina doesn't want him to because she thinks he hypnotized her and that is the only reason she ever dated him. I believe it. He is uuuuuum... very creepy.

So now, uuuuuh, it seems that Allen is planning to first attack L'Monjello to get to Tootie to get to the fish to get to Flatulina. And uuuum... we will just have to see what his plan is. But I've seen him. And um, he is no stronger that Mister Burns on the Simpsons, so I don't think he can do much.

So that is about it. Uuuuuuh...

Hortense

2 comments|post comment

Introductions are in order. [29 Sep 2003|11:27pm]
[ mood | confused ]

um... I guess I should tell a little about myself... but ummm.... You can just read about me on my userinfo page.

I joined LJ to be on here with my friend Flatulina. And um... I don't really have much to say, so I probably won't post that often. I have this lazy eye, so sometimes ummmm... it's hard for me to type. And uuuuuummm... that about all.

Ok, umm... I'll see you later.

Hortense

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